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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26230612">This is Goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmapplepi_writing/pseuds/kenmapplepi_writing'>kenmapplepi_writing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arguing, Brain Cancer, Cancer, Character Death, Freeform, M/M, Major Illness, all they do it argue, even if its cute, i am in a fantastic place thank you for asking, idk whats happening any more, its yaku lev, obviously, this is one of a few different ships i wanna do in a similar setting, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:13:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26230612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmapplepi_writing/pseuds/kenmapplepi_writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yaku realizes he's falling in love for certain first year... But it's too late.<br/>He was always too late.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This is Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, I won't lie research on this was a little rushed. But I was really excited to write as I have been in a massive slump, and couldn't resist. I will probably come in and edit a little more at a later date when it I am more awake and it is 3 in the morning.<br/>Any who, this was inspired off of The Goodbye Song from Two-Player Game. Truly a fantastic song, though definitely doesn't imply what happens in the story. Out of context, thats how I took the lyrics even though I know what the musical is about but oh well.<br/>Enjoy, though I did try to make it sad.<br/>~Pipes ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yaku didn’t think he could ever have imagined something like this. Even in his most twisted dreams, he could have never come up with this kind of scenario. </p><p>That’s the only reason he knew that this was not a dream.</p><p>None of this was a dream.</p><p>And he was never going to get any part of this year back. He wouldn’t get a do over. </p><p>Yaku wouldn’t be able to go back in time and act differently towards him. He wouldn’t get the chance to treat him a little nicer or let him rest for a few more seconds. </p><p>Yaku can’t go back to hear his laugh. No more jokes about his short stature, even if it fueled his unending anger towards the giant. </p><p>Yaku was never going to be able to be Lev’s friend.</p><p>All because they had waited too long, and their time was already up. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>“I already told you! You aren’t practicing blocking until you’ve fixed your receive!” The demon upperclassmen had already lost his patience, yelling at their new middle blocker with vigor.</p><p>If they weren’t playing endless games solely to improve as a team, Yaku would have voted to leave Lev behind if only so he wouldn’t get stuck with babysitter duty.</p><p>It had been 30 minutes and all Yaku got out of the giant was 6 lousy receives before Lev was hunched over complaining about the work.</p><p>“Come on Yaku san! Haven’t I practiced enough over here today?” For such an overgrown first year, he certainly acted like a middle schooler.</p><p>“Not until you receive at least 10 balls,” The pause in Yaku’s sentence had Lev looking up, seemingly filling up with his previously lost energy before…</p><p>“Perfectly passed to target.”</p><p>Yaku kept his small and very amused smile to himself as the first groaned, head slamming into the gym floor.</p><p>Of course it was quickly wiped clean as the silver haired male looked back up at him, hand now massaging at the growing red mark on his forehead.</p><p>“How can a small person like you even have the energy for this stuff?”</p><p>Let’s just say Yaku’s look along sent Lev hurtling away for the nearest third year, Nekoma or elsewhere.</p><p>---</p><p>“Oh come on! Can’t you rotate with Tsukishima? Why me!” Hinata complained from across the court as him and Lev stood, facing each other for their next rotation, one with a look of dread while the other was perfectly smug.</p><p>“Don’t you say anything cocky! Hinata can still pass better than you, even if it’s with his face.” Yaku immediately chided from the back row.</p><p>Their quiet setter actually smiled at how Hinata lit up with Yaku’s words, as if it was a compliment.</p><p>Yaku even heard Kenma try to calm down the just beginning to buzz Hinata as he looked around the court.</p><p>This would definitely be one of his more memorable moments of their third year. They had always had the training camp… But Karasuno just made it extra interesting. Not only were their coaches more pumped than usual but so were the players.</p><p>Yaku was getting to play against and watch Nishinoya, which was definitely one of the best parts.</p><p>Well… strictly on court. He was finding he hated coaching Lev less and less. Not that he didn’t still get angry or anything, but the first year was beginning to get more tolerable.</p><p>“You are almost as short a Yaku san though, how can you even be confident?”</p><p>And spoken far too soon, it seemed.</p><p>---</p><p>“Are you sure you are going to be alright?” Kuroo already had Yamamoto to get a coach from the office.</p><p>Leading practice on their own accord, they had all been working a little sluggishly today after last weeks training camp.</p><p>Despite everyone's clear exhaustion, no one had expected it when Lev completely fell to the floor while waiting to throw his own toss to Kenma.</p><p>Nor did they expect his inability to respond for a minute or so when they tried to get him off the floor.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine Kuroo san. Just tired.” The giant insisted, even as he seemed to grow paler by the minute.</p><p>“No you aren’t. You need to rest. At the very least sit off to th-” Yaku was caught off on his very curt words by the silver haired boy looking towards him. He couldn’t explain what emotion exactly circled in his eyes… But whatever it was, Lev had effectively cut his sentence off.</p><p>“I’m fine. I can keep going! I just got really tired for some reason, I swear.”</p><p>---</p><p>“What do you mean Lev isn’t coming to practice today? He better not be skipping out because Nekomata’s making us run.” Yaku grumbled, books in hand as he, Kuroo and Kenma walked down the hall, Kenma the mediator between the two third years.</p><p>“Actually, Nekomata is the one making him stay home. Lev didn’t say why though. Any ideas?” Kenma asked, looking to their captain, really only trying to shift the conversation onto someone other than himself after answering.</p><p>Nekomata is making him stay home? Yaku’s mind was already running rampant. What on earth could have happened to Lev that had Nekomata telling him to stay home? A week before the Spring Finals?</p><p>Was this something to do with what happened at practice a month ago?</p><p>No… There is no way what ever happened to Lev would have been gone by now. Besides the giant had been fine since. Still making fun of Yaku’s height and getting his ass handed to him at the qualifiers. Even if he did sort of make up for it in their game against Nohebi…</p><p>“Well…” Kenma sighed at his friend's obvious thinking ace, answering his own question a bit quickly. “Shoyo said he thinks something is wrong. Physically I mean, with Lev. He said that Lev doesn’t sound like he’s acting like himself.”</p><p>“How could he not be acting like himself?” Yaku scoffed, even as his mind trailed back. Has something been off? How had he not noticed? He had spent so much time around Lev, Yaku would have noticed something…</p><p>“I don’t know. Shoyo’s weird like that. I wouldn’t take what he says too seriously… But we should still make sure Lev is okay. You know… just in case.”</p><p>---</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>Nationals had came and went. They got their game against Karasuno, even if they had lost.</p><p>Yaku would say it was the best season he had played in.</p><p>Now he was starting to realize why… Even if it was too late.</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>A tear slid down his cheek.</p><p> Graduation had come and gone in a flash. He was already officially a first year at the University of Tokyo, a defensive specialist on the volleyball team.</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>Lev had been in the hospital since the day after the Spring Nationals had ended.</p><p>No one on the team had been told until a month thereafter.</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>The giant, silver haired first year had seized in the middle of his house, scaring his parents and sister beyond imagine.</p><p>Was rushed to the hospital to have nero scans and other tests.</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>A sob broke from the small demon upperclassmen.</p><p>Surgery. Radiation therapy. Chemo.</p><p>Beep. Beep. Beep.</p><p>Lev had to deal with it all. None of the team had known. Until Nekomata was given permission to tell the second and first years still practicing what had exactly happened. </p><p>And now, Yaku’s life was spiraling down hill. Faster than he ever could have imagined.</p><p>---</p><p>“You’re in college, a starter on your team, and still short. How did you even manage that Yaku san?”</p><p>The question was met with a light slap to the wrist as Yakus nose scrunched up in annoyance.</p><p>Lev had done nothing but tease Yaku on his height since he woke up.</p><p>“Don’t you have better things to talk about? Alisa told me That you’re expected to be released next week. Don’t you want to talk about how you’re going to beg Nekomata to join the team again? Or ask me to coach you again. You know, since I’m sure your receives still suck.”</p><p>Better. Lev was getting better. The therapy was working… And although Lev was still a little wonky from the months of treatment… He was getting better.</p><p>Yaku felt like it was too much to ask for. When he had finally found out the news, he initially refused to go see Lev.</p><p>He didn’t want to acknowledge that the first year cracking at his heart was in the hospital.</p><p>And when Kuroo had finally dragged him to the hospital… He had been a mess. And very thankful to his friend who opted to take him when no one else was there.</p><p>And then mildly annoyed with himself. When he couldn’t stay away from the hospital and kept going back to see him. He couldn’t close him off.</p><p>Lev’s chances of survival had been slim to none. And yet…</p><p>“Why would I ask you? I’d rather ask Shibayama for help! He won’t throw things at me.” The giant teased affectionately, reaching over to pat his upperclassman head.</p><p>Yaku glared at him but didn’t bother pulling away from the touch. Lev was lucky he was still in the hospital. Or Yaku really would have thrown something at him.</p><p>“Okay then, when you need help then I gu-”</p><p>“No! No! I’m kidding, please Yaku san you know I missed playing with you!” The giants pout resembled that of a baby. It didn’t help that the beanie covering his very bald head made him look even younger too…</p><p>---</p><p>He had almost kissed him.</p><p>On some random bench near the hospital.</p><p>Yaku had almost kissed him.</p><p>Oh he should have done it. He wanted to. He really wanted to, because he knew just what could be stripped from him in a moment's notice.</p><p>And he didn’t want to live with that regret…</p><p>But, Lev was cleared. He was going to be fine.</p><p>So maybe, Yaku had just a little more time.</p><p>Ya…</p><p>He would take his time with the younger boy. Besides, It didn't seem like Lev was leaving anytime soon.</p><p>---</p><p>Unadulterated panic flooded Yaku’s system as he let the tall boy lean against him, already trying to gently set him on the floor of the gym.<br/>
“Lev common, you have to talk to me please…”</p><p>Yaku had known fear before, but this- this took the cake. He had been there with Lev in the hospital.</p><p>He hadn’t seen his friend actually experience the symptoms of having a tumor pressing against his brain.</p><p>Let alone the ones where he felt suddenly weak on his entire left side.</p><p>“I’m… fine Yaku sa-” The worlds were slightly drawled, clearly the other was struggling to even say that.</p><p>“No you aren’t. So keep talking and focus on me damn it. I’m calling Alisa to get help…”</p><p>---</p><p>Yaku would get no do overs. Ever.</p><p>He wouldn’t be able to go back and laugh with Lev.</p><p>He wouldn't be able to go back and steal that kiss he had been so desperate to give the other on his first day out of the hospital.</p><p>Yaku wouldn’t be able to kiss him at all. There would be no friendship. There wouldn’t even be a Lev.</p><p>Tears streamed down his face, silent as he stare through the glass barrier.</p><p>He could vaguely hear Kenmas shouting at the gods behind him and how Kuroo tried to calm him down, the older's voice just as upset.</p><p>Through blurry tears he could see Lev’s family around him, all going through a different stage of grief as they looked on to the very still boy, lying painfully still in his hospital bed.</p><p>Yaku wouldn’t get a do over. There was no more chances.</p><p>This was his final goodbye. Because he couldn’t go on with Lev.</p><p>Lev wasn’t going to stay.</p><p>This is goodbye.</p><p>Because Lev was going to stay by his side forever. No matter how many times he dreamed of that very thing.</p><p>Because the boy slowly invading his heart had been ripped away for good.</p><p>And left him feeling hollow, left him saying goodbye all on his own.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! Leave a kudos if you like this, it would mean a lot as this story and a few others are literally pulling me out of my little depression cave.<br/>I know I could have been a little more descriptive, but it is late and If I don't post this now it will never be posted.<br/>It is never specifically said but the type of cancer Lev has in this story is Gliobastoma. Or something similar to it, as it was never officially diagnosed in the story and I really don't want to say it is that one cancer but somehow have absolutely butchered it in the process.<br/>Feel free to correct any mistakes and I will be more then willing too fix it, this after all was written rather quickly.<br/>~Pipes ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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